Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Work. Werk. Berk.

If you get to know me, you'll quickly realize that I am many things, but definitely not a pessimist.

It is quite important for me to be positive and excited about what I'm doing in life. I need to know that every step I've taken was one moving forward. I refuse to look back and think that I spent my time on this planet doing mostly things that didn't make me happy.

That said, only within the last 5 years have I lived my life in a way that has made me feel like I'm making a difference.

I've realized that I am not like other people. I've had many opportunities for which I'm grateful, present themselves to me. I've also overcome many hurdles that most 24 year olds won't see for years to come. For better or for worse, I have grown up faster than many of those around me. But that's life, isn't it? Full of surprises. Full of many ups and downs.

And now we've arrived to the true inspiration for this entry. It appears that we've come to a fork in the road. A transition period, for which it's not quite clear, is life going to go up or down?

I've been thinking a lot about what has happened over the past 5 years and how much my life has changed.

This past year in particular has been most interesting. The emotional peaks and valleys seem to have become far more pronounced then any other preceding it.

Work, the part of my life that has been most tumultuous and stressful, continues to surprise me. On one front, 'Groundhog Day' seems to be the movie/term that best describes half of my job; while 'Apocalypse Now' seems to be a far more suitable title for the other half.

With one of my projects, every conversation I have, every meeting I walk out of, every email I send, I feel like I'm stuck; reliving the last year all over again. On my other project, things are very very different; doom and gloom has definitely set in. It feels like every day that goes by, that chapter of my life is slowly but surely coming to an end, if I like it or not. Yet hope still exists but fading, with every day that goes by.

It's maddening, infuriating, depressing, and most of all unfortunate (and in hindsight completely avoidable).

What does this all mean? It means that life is changing, that I'm changing. It's time to stop and take a look at where I am and course correct. I think that in the coming months, I will have a much better understanding of where next 5 years of my life will take me.

Am I scared? No. Upset? No. Anxious? Yes. Though change is scary, it is often wonderful. It allows you to grow as a person, to test who you've become. I look forward to the coming months.

For now, I'll just sit tight and love my family, appreciate my friends, do my job, and patiently await what the future holds for me.

-s

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