Saturday, July 2, 2005

Sickened

My friend Edward called me to give me a hard time about my blog, claiming that I was ridiculous for putting these thoughts out for the world to see.

At this point in my life, I don't care what people think. I share these thoughts because it provides me a way to reflect. It also gives me the opportunity to get feedback from people completely outside of my circle of friends and removed from the situation.

One change that I am going to stick to is not filtering my thoughts once I get into a relationship. When I began dating Sharon, at some point, I started to feel as though it was inappropriate to share my thoughts and feelings. I believe, now in retrospect, that this was a mistake.

I'm in Los Angeles for the long weekend and I've been hanging out with my family and friends. It's nice to know that I'm still disgusted with LA :)

I look forward to getting back to SF. I need to get my life back in order. Before I left, I dropped off my rent for July, coupled with a letter to my landlord. I asked him if he would consider lowering the rent so that I might stay there. I am doubtful that he will do so, even though he likes me as a tennant.

That probably means that in the coming months, I shall be moving elsewhere in the city. I'm not quite sure where I'll move to, but somewhere sunnier for sure. I feel a little afraid. For the first time in my life, I will be living completely on my own.

I am especially in an awful mood this morning. I awoke due to a dream where Sharon admitted to having an encounter with another man in Europe. The thought of it sickened me. I felt ill and enraged when I woke up.

I can already tell that getting over this relationship is going to be a long and winding road. Ugh.

-s

3 comments:

  1. To be sure, breakups are tough, and since you seem relatively well adjusted, and in general benevolent towards her, it's going to be tougher :)
    Malice and disdain would be so much easier, but keep going on this road, it's alot more healing long term, in my experience.

    As for filtering, tough call.
    Like I mentioned before, you put up the best and biggest advertisement possible that you're single, so that's the benefit.
    Dunno if I could air my toothpaste squeezing gripes and other assundries on the Interw3b without giving serious pause :), so ya got balls, bud!

    Dr. CryptoMail suggests you go out.
    Sir, your mope card is almost expired :)
    (I'm an asshole :), sorry :) )
    Go out with friends.
    Have a good time.
    See some bands, or something.
    Don't sit at home and build a model or play warcraft.


    Let your friends introduce you to their friends. Ask your friends if they have any single friends.
    From my experience, the most successful relationships are the ones spawned from mutual friends, where an implicit trust level and certification of "your qualifications" are better built in.

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  2. or just hump sophie.

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  3. Hang in there.
    I know when T and I broke up and I had to find a new place to live it was really hard, but I got through it and you will too. Plus you might end up finding a cooler place in a better hood for you and the pup to dwell!

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