Tuesday, December 19, 2000

Magical Mystery Poo

Warning. This is distasteful and definitely not for the faint of heart. You've been warned.

Just 25 minutes ago, I had the sudden urge to run to the bathroom. I do not know where this feeling came from, nor do I care. The only thing that I was aware of was that I needed to rush to the nearest restroom, or there was going to be some serious trouble.

Moments after I arrived on the scene, there was some soft rumbling from the spaces beneath. Then I was happy to let out a most comforting sigh of releif. It was a great moment indeed, however, i've had better.

After thoroughly cleaning up the mess my body has left behind, I glanced down into the depths of the now foully littered toilet bowl to be quite disappointed. A perfectly cylindrical brown turd. You'd almost believe it was mass produced and shrink-wrapped in a factory.

Once I was done, I returned to my prior activities. I was being useless, as usual, on my computer, talking to friends that were all so far away. Then a friend of mine mentioned Swingers, one of my all time favorite movies.

Seeing that one of my roommates would benefit from the knowledge that is conveyed to you within that movie, I ran to him, urging him that this evening should be devoted to watching that priceless bit of Hollywood genius.

Fritz, then explained to me that he absolutely hated that movie and that it was "a big piece of shit." The moment those ruthless words were uttered, as if a sign from the heavens, a small, however noticeable piece of warm poo plopped on to the cold bathroom tile. Fritz and I were
both speechless.

Trying to comprehend what just happened, we both broke out into an uncontrollable and almost contagious laughter. I immediately picked up small turdling and promptly dropped it into the waste basket. Not knowing what to say or do, we just laughed, wondering why this piece of warm poo decided to grace us with its presence at the moment it did. Where did it come from? What was it trying to tell us? Was it an omen, or merely a statement?

I thoroughly checked all my clothing, my shirt, shorts, even underwear, no sign of the poo's origin. It's as though it materialized from thin air. Only to strike cheer into the hearts of both Fritz and I. God bless the warm poo. All hail the poo.

To say the least, this instance in my life shall never be forgotten. This was almost a defining moment in my existence. A divine moment. I was so amazed by the manner in which this one poo happened, I needed to share it with all those around me, as well as all my loyal readers. Thank you.


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